Love that bruises

abused20black20woman1I swore I wasn’t going to write about this.  Unfortunately, here I am doing what I said I wouldn’t.  I’m talking about the Rihanna-Chris Brown circus, of course.  As of today, the latest is that they are in Miami, staying at P.Diddy/Daddy/Whatever he’s calling himself these days.  I want to be clear on my stance.  I don’t think that Rihanna should make decisions based on her being a ‘role model’ but should make them based on her own personal best interests.  I do not believe that Chris Brown is evil and deserves death threats, either.  That being said, I think Rihanna made the wrong choice, and Chris Brown needs Jesus and some professional help.  I am a big believer that if any man hits you once, he’ll do it again (and again).  Also, rarely do these things come out of the blue.  There’s usually something attached to it: he’s possessive or puts you down or some other negative attribute that should serve as an alarm.  I look at Rihanna and wonder why she has decided that this is what she’s worthy of.  I say this because (again, this is my opinion) if your esteem and self-worth is where it should be, then you are unwilling to put up with an abusive relationship.  You know what is right and healthy for you, and if some clown decides to treat you in an unacceptable way, then it’s “good-bye and good luck.”

The men in the picture worry me.  You have, Chris Brown, who is young and probably can be reformed if he’s serious about it.  This means really making a change.  I don’t get why Rihanna went back when he hasn’t done any type of counselling, program or such.  He hasn’t put in the work.  Sorry just isn’t good enough…well, may be it is, for her.  Rihanna’s father also concerns me.  On one hand, I wonder if he just told the media something some one conjured up and really feels differently.  However, I have to go by what he’s quoted as saying.  I don’t like the fact that her dad thinks it’s okay for her to go back to a guy who battered her.  Never mind she’s an adult, this was dad’s time to say, “She’s made her decision, but I think she deserves better.”  Nope, none of that going on here.  I look at this talented young woman and wonder what I would do if it were my child in that situation.  God willing, I will do a good enough job raising my kids so that they are strong and confident enough to stay away from such destructive behaviour.  However,  if it were to happen, what would I do?  First off, this post would probably be used as evidence against me in court.  There’s no way I’d let a man get away with hitting my girls.  If they couldn’t handle the situation themselves, I’d step in.  I hope that my daughters see the relationship that I have with their father (and the relationship my parents have), and decide not to settle for less than such.  Growing up (and even to this day) my father always told me how much he loved me, how beautiful and intelligent he thought I was.  He was always very proud of his children.  As his only daughter, I received ‘the talk’ more times than I care to remember.  If any man ever touched me in anger, I was to fight like hell and never make an excuse for him.  I learned from watching my dad, that real men sometimes cry, sacrifice a lot for the good of the family (as do real women!), and they never use you for a punching bag or belittle you.  Because my parents lived a great relationship before my eyes, as I grew, I shifted from taking it for granted, to realizing how special and difficult it was to have. I wanted no less than what they had.  It saddens me that there are a lot of  women who think they deserve the terrible treatment they get from their men.  I ask myself if it’s because we don’t think we’re beautiful enough, deserving enough.  Case in point: Why are so many people making excuses for Chris Brown?  What could Rihanna (or any other woman) do to truly justify a beating?  I know in a lot of ways, I’m blessed with my family life.  However, backgrounds aside, a great deal of this is emotion (I love him, he’ll change) versus common sense (He doesn’t love you, he’ll hit you again).  I have to say, in the white community, everyone was pretty horrified and sympathetic toward Rihanna.  For us, it was divided.  Read any message board online for the scoop and you’ll see that there are a lot of numb skulls (pardon the ol’ school term) defending Chris Brown.  What does that say about us?  It’s troubling at best and makes me wonder what things with be like for the generation I am helping to raise.